Live from Japan!

Some of my most poignant observations and insights into the Japanese culture have come from some of the most mundane and insignificant moments in my time here. Surprising.

Yesterday, for example, I was chatting away with my supervisor during the intermission of a play. It was “appreciation of drama” day, so all the teachers and students went to watch a play together at a local venue. During the first half of the play I watched many of my fellow teachers around me taking a nap. I didn’t sleep, not during the first half anyways, I knit.

When she woke up for intermission, I commented on how sleepy all the teachers seemed to be. We talked about it, and I got a few interesting answers.

The conversation started with me asking her what time she went to bed last night. I was amazed when she responded that she had gone to bed after midnight the night before. Given that she had to be to school by about 7:30 the following morning, it is obvious that it was WAY too late. At least it seemed way too late to me, a person that functions best on 8 or more hours of dreamy time each and every night.

I asked her why she was up so late. Her answer sort of surprised me.

In her household there are six members. Her, her husband, three children (20, 23, and 25 years of age), and an elderly parent. She, as a Japanese housewife, is responsible for caring for all of them. Making sure laundry is done, tummies are full, and everyone is clean. A tremendous burden for anyone, especially a woman who also has a full-time job outside of the home.

Each night, after dinner, a bath (ofuro) is drawn. This bath is shared by each member of the family, washing is done outside of the tub and then the tub is used for soaking and relaxing. The same water is used for each and every member of the family. As a result, baths are taken in order according to a very strict hierarchy. A hierarchy that is common to most Japanese households.

The man of the house always gets the first bath. After that her elderly parent takes a bath. Then her three, grown children. Finally, once everyone is done, she gets her turn. And her turn comes late.

The other night, my supervisor had to wait for her son to come home from work. He didn’t get home that night until after 10pm. Once he was home, she fed him dinner and then he took his bath. Once he was finally finished, it was time for her to soak.

After her bath, it was still not time for her to go to bed. A load of laundry needed to be done. In addition to bath water being reused for several family members, in many homes it is also used one final time as wash water for a load of laundry. She ran the load, waited for it to finish, and then hung it to dry.

And that is why she didn’t get to bed until after midnight. It is no wonder that she was exhausted!

I am amazed that women, especially working women, are still pushed so hard in this culture. I am glad that that climate has (mostly) changed in the U.S. It is good that women back home are able to ask for help from their husbands, family, friends or grown children. They are not expected to do it ALL. And, if they begin to get overwhelmed it is not frowned upon to reevaluate choices and rearrange schedules and demands. Stepping back at work, sidelining hobbies or other responsibilities, to make more time for current pursuits, whether those pursuits relate to work, family, or personal matters.

It makes me sad that women, especially older women, here do not have the same freedom. I cannot imagine my entire life being consumed by my work, home and family. Without any time for pursuits which are personally fulfilling. I think it is so important to have a balance, to be a complete person, and many women in Japan never get the opportunity to find that balance. It is a shame, and it makes me wonder if one day they, too, will enjoy some of the freedoms and conditions that American women have become so acustomed to. I hope so.